Well...

Things are going better for me, in a way. I'm not exhausted after work, due to this diet mix I put in my drinks (lot of energy boost). I think I've trim slightly, I don't own a scale nor do I care to, I try to judge visually. I got an nagging notion that I'll win during the McD monopoly thing so I have been eating McD for a while now (and the weight continues to decrease...I think) Mainly, I keep to my 2 sure-fire secrets to stop weight gain: don't eat 4 hours before bed, and no pop/soda. And if I'm droppin weight while eating McD then I'm a little afraid to think how fast I'd lost it if I were eating healthy. Anyway, I have energy to fix up my room and living condition; in addition to fixin up the house for the party...and plan a Mordheim game,...and make up characters for Chuckles' game. I've pretty much severed the link between me and the new girl. If she isn't willing to even attempt to hang out then why the effort. If she wants to, she'll call and then we'll go from there, but as much as I've said I'm done, I mean it this time and I feel better about it. I have a lot of shows and movies to catch up on, not mention games, so much so that I am beginning to hate season premiers and just want my shows to end so that I have time. Oh well...

The future of T

So, I had a lot of things going on and I'm doing absolutely none of them. The annual Halloween party is coming up. Unfortunately, it is on the 24th, a day that just about everyone I have spoken with has made other plans for. I tried my best to swing the 17th but no go. One of my roommates had been telling everyone he invited that it would be on the 24th, this was before we had a house meeting on the topic of date. So, since he invite like 50-some people, and he doesn't want to re-notify them all that he screwed up, I'm stuck with maybe 5 of the 20 or so I asked to come. Don't get me wrong, I'm thrilled that whomever could make it is going to, but there is another bump in this issue that I haven't gotten to. The other reason I didn't want the 24th is because I'm on-call that whole weekend. Yup, on the night of festivities I am limited to only 2 drinks; thanks responsibility. Thing is, is that I can't change it. Robin specifically didn't want on-call that weekend and my boss is going to her husbands office party that night so I'm stuck with it. Granted, odds that I'll be called anytime after 11pm are astronomically unlikely, basically because anything that comes up that late at night can most defiantly be handled in the morning. But still, I have to go easy for the whole night; no drinking games, no chatting up people because when I'm not drunk I really don't want you to talk to me all night, and no drunk sex (which is probably a blessing with this crowd).

On to the update, I'm still not really moved in, sort of. I sleep on the floor (which is actually quite comfortable, I really like it). My room is like a cluster bomb explosion. The biggest problem is the kitchen; this quite possible the most horribly put together kitchen ever. Aside from glasses, plates, and bowls; everything else is just thrown into drawers, cabinets, and pantries with no rhyme or reason. I can't even be in there. I can feel how dis-organized it is. Makes my skin crawl. Which means that I'm gonna have to fix it. I least I put a stop to the nagging, well, JoeJoe's nagging anyway. This house is crowded though. It is difficult. One of my roommates was gone for like 5 days, and it was prefect. Tonight is a massive fix though. I was waiting for some stuff to arrive before I really put the shit together, and although it isn't all here yet, enough of it is.

This entier weekend is filled with wedding stuff. Its cool but sucks also; I have almost no time to relax and catch up on stuff. We'll see how it goes.

200th post

Yeah, so it is my 200th post. And I have some news to spill. I AM MOVED. After nearly 2 months of squabble; rearranging deadlines; going from having a place to move to, to having nowhere to move to, to having 5 offers for temporary moving, to back to a place to move to in a matter of mins; the snail pace with 2 broken legs progression of moving; being overweight and having to take a fat man break for every 15 mins of moving; to being much healthier and stronger due to doing it all myself; to bad scheduling conflicts to help me move; cleaning everything once it was moved so that I can start my living in a dust free/dander free/cat fur free environment; from losing 4 close friends to gaining 4 (5 on the weekends) roommates; from having no phone, to having a phone number but no device to call out with, to breaking down and getting a cell phone (more on that later); to being unbelievably angry and pissed that all I could do was to sit and fume, to being completely defused when I get a phone call from someone who I didn't think had that much of an affect on me... ... ...in short (too late) it has been hell for my calm. But everything is settling, I didn't blow up once at anybody, I vented and vented. I pushed up my sleeves and did my work...I did call in sick once for a mental break, though. But I feel good, look better than I did a few weeks ago, got a complete handle on the finances (hopefully a way to break it down even quicker regardless of future job or retention) and am slowing beginning to not hate EVERYTHING. The 4 friends are the 3 cats and I was sad to hear that Tipper has left us as well, for 4. I don't miss my cat very much but I do miss Mep (Vega). She would want to sleep in which ever room I was was presently in. She would meow at everything. Mercury would just pay attention to me when there was no one else to pay attention to her. Not my cup of tea. And Jasper, ...in the end he liked me, or more liked having me around. Add when I came by the apartment after the move I did get the 'your back' attention. But he and I weren't really friends. We were roommates. He'll be better off staying with his friends. Breaking up the cat trio didn't seem right. And as soon as one becomes available...I'm getting a Wii. The PS3 will follow shortly, few months. And some good news that turned back into bad news. I bought an Xbox, my boycott was lifted from the Xbox since Microsoft is making virtually no money on it anymore but it remains on the Xbox 360, and finally got to play Fable...loved it. Good news, I didn't want to buy the Xbox 360 just to play Dead Rising, wicked awesome zombie game, well now I don't have to since it will be available on the Wii shortly; bad news, Fable 2 will be coming out on the Xbox 360. I'm exhausted. I will call all of those I have numbers for to give my own number to but I need to not worry about that and be in a better mood right now. Probably the weekend since weekends are free minutes.

Yay for events

Not much to report. I paid off one card. The last one will be a bitch, though. And still plugging away at that student loan. But the move is coming up next week and events before and during. Melting Pot (ladies night), Birthday, Concert, Pirate Cruise (after move), Graduation Party, and another Concert. It will be the last week of August by the time all that is over...busy month.

I'm still trying to convince my new landlord that I need a house phone since I will be On-Call for the reminder I am employed at my current position.

As always I am dining into many-a-movie via Netflix. I recently saw Lost Boys 2...yeah. The Corey's were back in this one and it may lead to a final third film. Probably not, though. See, Feldman was in the film. Haim had a bit part after the credits. Apparently, the Frog Brothers are broken up since one is turned to a vampire and Haim was also turned. The end of the film is the Corey's going head to head. Cool nostalgia moment. But their were alternates endings involving Haim trying to recruit Feldman because another Vampire Leader (the other Frog brother) is coming. For a sequel of a 80's film, it did rather well.

Films: Harry Potter trailer in front of Mummy 3 (that is probably the only really good thing about Mummy 3)

X-Files blows chunks

Journey to the Center of the Earth (3D) was kind of fun. The 3D really warps your vision when you leave the theater. It was weird driving home.

Paper, paper, everywhere and not a shred bin in sight

Well, it is almost vacation time. Starting tomorrow I won't have to come to work for 4 days. I say tomorrow because I'm on call til Midnight tonight. Absolutely no progress on the packing, but there is some progress on restructuring my life some. I also got notice that I might not be getting fired. The plan is still going down as usual but they might want me to stay on as a Manager/Supervisor for the new records department they want to establish (we haven't had a records 'department' in 10 years). Question is, do I get my retention bonus. I am looking forward to that as a way out of credit card debt, but then again, a new fancy job would help too.

News; the girl I'm kinda into is being deployed in November, minimum of a year. I haven't really asked her out so at the moment we are just hanging out. And since we are hanging out she mentioned that while she is deployed, she might be deployed with her ex, and if that happens, then she is pretty certain she won't be able to not slip up...something about bedroom magic. sigh.

I finally saw Batman. It was as good as I expected in some parts and better in others. The movie really is a great film. I loved the transition of the characters. Not all fantastic like the comics or shows, but a lot more realism. Really made you feel like you were a part of the film. Good stuff.

Well...

Well, moving has been postponed for a month-ish. What is nice is that I get more time to pack, which I like. I hate packing in a hurry. Plans are still the same overall just a small delay, and an adjustment to vacation days. I decided to keep 2 for next week, cause I need a vacation. And then I'm pumpin' more into the pirate weekend and make that my big move as well. So, mid-August is the move.

No current progress with the girl.

I'll be seeing Dark Knight this weekend (with or without her) at the Imax. "Its gonna be TITS!!!" (exaggerating some form of gang signature) I kinda binged last night on some junk food. I went on-call for the first time and sure enough had a situation that wasn't easy (by criteria standards). I don't know, I think I'm just glad it is the weekend. Not because I don't have to work, but because my life seems to be going back to normal; like, I got a lot done and now I can relax. I will be playing Pirates of the Caribbean Online a-plenty. Yes, I did join another MMO. But this one isn't nearly as addictive; either that or I've kicked my addiction. I played the hell out of the Wii recently; I was house sitting. I cranked out Resident Evil: The Umbrella Chronicles, Resident Evil 4, Destroy All Humans: Big Willy Unleashed, and Metroid Prime 3: Corruption. All of them kicked major ass. Res 4 is always good but very difficult on the Wii. Umbrella Chronicles was way awesome and gets hard real fast. DAH has plenty of innuendos and is real fun; again weird controls. And Metroid 3 was the best; ingenious control scheme and hard.

Well, I'm done for the day. Check out the post before this one if you're a Joss Whedon fan or a fan of: Buffy, Angel, Firefly, The Guild web series, Neil Patrick Harris aka NPH, or cheesy musicals.

... ...the hammer is my penis... ...

Fans of Joss Whedon need to see his latest work.

http://drhorrible.com/

Ring-a-ding-ding bitches

So I finally have a cell phone... ...ha, gotcha. I have a work cell phone. I am finally trusted enough to be put on-call. I unfortunately share the cell with my co-worker, my red-breasted friend. Basically, we each have a week on-call and I am finally put into rotation. I'm a little nervous about my first off hours call. Beauty part is that for every hour I'm scheduled to be on-call, I get a buck. And if I ever have to come in for something, during off hours, it is an automatic 2 hours pay even if I am here for 5 mins. I've been waiting for this for a while. Yay cell phone. Its a crap little thing and my crap-hole of a co-worker forgot the charger, so I'm stuck with the car charger only. For those not-in-the-know I do not live out of my car like some people (menacing glare at red-breasts).

The Return of T

Ladies and Gentlemen,

I have access to my blog again from work.

It has been a while, nearly 4 months. Its almost my birthday but the big news is moving day is almost upon me. Starting July 24th-30th (took a few extra days off work for adjustments)I will be living with Joe Joe. The rent is cheap and utilities paid; central air, a driveway, space, no coin laundry, etc. ad nausium.

Update:
Movies a plenty, games a plenty, food a plenty.

I'm approximately 6 months away from finding a new job so I began to crack down on debt management and elimination. Ergo, no fun for T for 6 months. The plan isn't fool proof, i.e. spending on womens that entertain the T (should any appear).

Speaking of womens, I met one...yup, just the one. Hard to find those tricky bastards. Anyway, I have noticed a lot of similarities between her and the semi-ex, which for those not-in-the-know mean heartache overload, so I have been hesitant. Looks like it worked too, for now she seems no longer interested and doesn't even speak with me anymore... ... ..., yay... ... ..., I win...

What else... ...oh, I'm going pirating. Apparently there is this boat near the casinos that holds a pirate party every so often. People dress up and be pirates for 25 bucks...I'm doing it.

And lastly, I'm planning on filing a grievance with my boss. Its a long story; short version, she won't let me talk when she makes an outlandish accusation about my actions/behavior. One of those people who think I have an excuse for everything, therefore believes that all excuses that come from my mouth are lies; at least about the stuff she things she has caught me on. Well, I do have an excuse for everything because everything that everybody does has a story as to why it happened. And coming from a psychology background, excuses are important because it is how we find fault in behavior and thinking, and work to rectify it. Where she just says "Don't do it again!" Then instructs me to leave the office without letting me speak my piece. That and she has made a few comments, in what she thinks to be a joking manner, as to the ineptitude of my gender and has called me, again in a joking manner to her, a E-Time Nazi (E-Time is our clock in/out program).

Anyway, I wrote it but haven't filed it yet.

Other news, I will not be seeing the midnight showing of Dark Knight. As much as I want to, the 2 and half hours and then maybe getting 3 hours of sleep before I have to get up for work doesn't look very appealing. So I am going Saturday at the Imax in CB. This way I can enjoy the magnitude of the film in all its splendor and go home without worry of tiredness or tardiness.

Well, that is all for now...ta

Grey Days

Not much has happened in the land of T, as of late. Doin' the Netflix and Gamefly thing still. 13 games left on Gamefly then I can get rid of it. Been doing a little more shopping than usual. And I have started the 2 week fast again. I'm on day 3 (first day with no food) and guess what, well its pizza day at work and guess who can't have any...this guy (points thumbs at self). Miss Lynn has had a few sick days of late so its been cool hanging with her now that I see her. I also went to see Run Fatboy Run starring Simon Pegg (the guy who did Shaun of the Dead and Hot Fuzz). Not one of his best, but funny all the same. Work is kinda touch and go. My boss's boss is in town and its kind of a relief and a curse. First my boss is distracted, second she is getting critiqued, which I don't think she takes well at all. She puts on that face like 'okay' and 'you bet' but turns right around cursing and spitting through her gritted teeth. So the days are kinda hit and miss. We'll see if my willpower can hold out this time and keep from eating. However, I don't think if I break down will be so bad. Its kinda like 'its okay to slip here and there, don't beat yourself up'. Anyway, maybe I'll update in another month, cya.

Lazuras

Good Evening Bloggers and Bloggettes! Yes, I have returned to sitting in front of a computer during the weekends to give you a surmise of recent events.

First, they have blocked my blog site at work so I can no longer post while there; however, I have found a loop-hole in site addresses and am able to check my email at work now.

Second, I had brief episode with eBay and have acquired a few trinkets to get me through these low currency times (Mostly, I purchased X-Com: UFO Defense on PSX).

And now, a small rant of work related issues. 3 weeks ago, the entire week, was lets shit on T and not let him explain himself for things he did wrong 3 months ago...week. Then the past 2 weeks, my co-worker has been gone on vacation and sick leave, which means double work for me; by the way, did I mention I have already been given double work prior to that workload. As a result, the house is trash, I'm a mess, ans as good as I take acre of my car, I think it is fading.

Side note: There is a very good possibility I will move out in August. Additional side note: I'm trying to get a website started. As stated before, details are confidential on both topics, atm.

Two films that the T recommends: Be Kind, Rewind and In Bruges.

My authentic japanese name is 辻 Tsuji (cross roads) 海斗 Kaito (big dipper of the ocean).

Capt'n Crunch Time

So, I gave up on the Thrillville games, I just wasn't getting around to play them and that means I'm burnin' a hole in my wallet.

Speaking of, it is time for crunch time. I've been a bit cavalier with my money lately. I'm not over spending or anything, and I am making my payments on time. I just took a break from concentrating my efforts towards doing everything I can to rid myself of my debt. The next few months will be difficult due to some doctor and dentist appointments, and so on; but I need to focus again because a few events will be coming to pass that will require my pay checks not to suffer my debt. I can not reveal these events, currently, as I am not the one the events are happening to (well, inadvertently anyway). But I may be getting a second job. Joejoe is opening a business and I am more than willing to work for a few hours a week to help him out. If I could tell you, you'd understand.

Tangent: I made some cookies for the superbowl party at K&C's. It went over well, but I bought too many cocoa pebbles. I'm not sure if I should return them because I just stumbled upon a cheap lunch idea. If I buy a small milk at work and pour some cocoa pebbles into my coffee mug (after it is rinsed, of course); bring a spoon to work and bang, a little cereal for a buck a day (buck for the milk). I'll give it a try. I am not allergic to milk, according to the doctor, I just have a reaction (of congestion) if I consume too much. Normally, I would avoid as much milk as possible but seeing as how I need to money crunch, I think it is a good idea. Yes, I know there are way cheaper meals I could do for lunch but none I would enjoy to consume. They would just constantly remind me that I'm poor for these few years and I would get depressed. No reason to up my pep-pill dosage for what can benefit from an easy fix. Now, I just need to figure out an easy and cheap dinner.

Best Line Ever

Here is a little set up of the best line ever from the movie Accepted.

(An explosion in the kitchen flings the, slightly-off in the head, experimental chef through the double doors. At the same time the main character walks by having just witnessed the events)

Are you okay?!

WHAT! (as experimental cleans out his ears)

I SAID, 'ARE YOU OKAY?'; WHAT HAPPEN?!

(here it is)
AN EXPLOSION OF FLAVOR! I'M WORKING WITH SOME VERY UNSTABLE HHHHERBS!

You are mine to toy with...

So today, I have been given charge of my whole department. My co-workers have the day off and my boss is working from home due to having to wait for the XXXXX repair man. Well, after he showed she decide to just continue to stay home. So I have the run of the place. It was very busy in the morning, but I did everything that needed to be done today and then put the rest aside for tomorrow; this gave me a hour of down time to be able to relax after all the this mornings turmoil. My only problem is that certain papers need to be verified by a second person, which is usually my co-workers; so, in order to still do my job, I had to run around finding people who are authorized to verify my work. It got to the point where I had to go to our head boss, the regional physician, to get his signiture cause no one else could do some of it. Fun day.

Anyway, Superbowl was pretty cool. Best game I've seen in a while. It was neck and neck for a good long while. I didn't side for a team, just enjoyed the show. I even made these semi-rice crispy treats. They're made of chocolate and cocoa pebbles. I say 'semi' cause there are no marshmallows in them. I even topped them with white icing in thte form of laces so they would look like footballs. They went over very well.

Netflix: R.O.D. TV series - it was really good. I got me really wrapped up into the story until the last 4 episodes. It got weird and outlandish in plot and pretty much stayed like that.

Sam Kinison - Just Richard Pryor, I ordered everything Sam Kinison. I haven't seen them all yet but enough to know that he never disappoints.

The Drunk Tank

This pretty much sums it up for me. Below are some Q's and A's for the boys at Red vs. Blue. I enjoyed it.


The drunks are back for another week of burning bridges. Carrying a torch this week is Mr. Michael J Caboose himself, Joel Heyman.

Blizzard recently reported that World of Warcraft now has ten million active subscribers.

Burnie -- I am amazed by the numbers, but I trust that I will be even more amazed by the horribly nerdy response that Gus will provide in answer to this question.

Gus -- Great, as if there wasn't already enough competition mining for Adamantite in Nagrand.

Burnie -- And there it is.

Geoff -- So basically Blizzard reported that there are exactly 10 Million PC gamers left. When's the Government going to step in and break up that monopoly?

Jason -- I think that Gus is still an outcast. Have fun with your ten million little friends while me and the rest of the 6,590,000,000 people on the planet play sports and talk to members of the opposite sex.

Matt -- Yeah, but how many Toyotas have they sold?

Joel -- Could this be the reason we have to ask Question 2?

Give us a tip to prepare for the upcoming recession.

Joel -- Stop playing World of Warcraft.

Geoff -- Put your money in your mattress, then drive your mattress to the International Bank Of Geoff's House. Deposit it in my garage, along with the first month's payment of donuts, and come back in 12 years.

Gus -- A zombie plan can easily be adapted to also take care of you in the event of government collapse.

Burnie -- They say that the entertainment industry does not suffer during econmic downturns. So, I suggest that everyone convert their volatile dollars into rock-solid Red vs Blue DVDs as soon as possible. It's an investment!

Matt -- I have a foolproof plan that's been reported in some extremely prestigious economic publications. Perhaps you've heard of S.U.M.M.S.? If not, send me money and I'll tell you all about it.

Jason -- That article claims we went through a recession in 2001. I was 22 years old that year and I got by just fine. So my advice is to be 22. Everyone else, you're screwed.

Lost starts up again on Thursday. Any predictions?

Burnie -- I predict that on Friday and every Friday for the next two months, I will be surrounded by wailing jackasses screaming "DON'T TALK ABOUT LOST! I HAVEN'T SEEN THE NEW EPISODE YET!"

Gus -- I predict that three or four long running questions will finally be answered...by introducing thirty or forty new questions.

Geoff -- I predict that there was never an island at all, and that the entire show was a dream by Walt, who is really Jacob, who once grifted Sawyer's father, who was actually Hurley's father, who used to be a woman named Shannon, and that woman was in love with Desmond, who is actually Jack, which makes Locke Jack's grandmother.

Jason -- My prediction is a 1:10 answer-to-question ratio. Based on that math, call me in 7 years to let me know why I watched Season 1.

Matt -- Patriots 31 - 28. John Locke kicks the winning field goal.

Joel -- Surprise script revision reveals twist that has all characters marching in a circle for 42 minutes.

Malarius

In case you haven't noticed, by a few of my comments on others blogs, I am feeling better. Its amazing how you can get use to a scratchy throat. I still sound like I gargle glass but I feel tons better. I will say that the pep pills and the antibiotics have done a combined effort. I'm still not fully convinced the pep pills are gawd's gift. 'Course, I'm still on both, but will run out of antibiotics by Sunday so then we shall see the true nature.

Its very sad about Heath Ledger. He will be missed every time I watch Knights Tale of the nteenth time.

Netflix: I missed it, you've missed, lets get reacquainted shall we?

The Girl Who Shagged Me - another film with Misty Mundae. The disc and description say director's cut. This is to imply it is more raunchy than the released version...yeah, this one had maybe about 2mins, tops, of nudity and fake lesbian scenes. Now, all the films Misty Mundae does have at least 4, if not 5, fake lesbian scenes each around 5-8 mins, 15 if there is dancing and stripping. She is sort of an underground soft porn queen. And this was like 1 of, maybe, 5 films of hers I haven't seen (she has done like 30). And this was first time I was gypped this hard. Basically, Netflix lied about this being the directors cut, cause it isn't. Either that, or there is and 'uncut' version. I do know that they always release 2 versions one they can put in video stores and one you have to order. Anyway, it was bad.

Everything Richard Pryor - Basically, I went through netflix and added every comedy act of Richard Pryor, did you know he had a TV show (Only 4 episodes and an anniversary show)? I love Richard Pryor, it was very cool to see his act evolve over time.

Kekko Kamen Surprise/Kekko Kamen Strikes Back - this a 2-fer. One sucked, one incorporated a music theme, that one was kinda neat. Surprise had the music theme, btw.

I'm currently involved in a Netflix three-way. I'm watching Hercules season 3, Seaquest DSV season 2, and the R.O.D. tv series. Hercules and Seaquest are rockin' my kasbah as always, R.O.D. has yet to impress me.

I'm also holding off on Driving Lessons starring Rupert Grint, Ron from Harry Potter. I know Miss Lynn will want to see it so I'm waiting for a time we both watch it.

Gamefly:

Wild Arms 4 - I got close to beating it than gave out. Actually I assumed I was still miles away from beating it then I look up the guide and it turned out I was like 5 hours away. I put to much effort for the game to over in less than 24 hours of play. I love the series, the game was fun, apparently the epilogue is where it all is in this game but that is just playing mini-games and challenging secret bosses for points. No more plot or story line. I like it when that sort of stuff is involved in the game, like you have to complete this stuff before you finish the story because the game will end. Now I don't mind the epilogue to more story but just having it so the player can keep playing the little stuff and no end in sight, nah, not my cup of tea.

I bought Star Wars LEGO 2: the Original Trilogy.

I'm currently playing Thrillville 1 and 2 (Off the Rails). Basically, it is like theme park, where you build and design your own theme park much like Simcity, but it has more restrictions and a third person view of your park while you build it. You can interact with the customers, loads of mini games, loads of loading problems/lag. Its kinda fun, but the same time, time consuming.

Heath Ledger: Dead at 28

I just received news, and confirmed, that Heath Ledger died today around 3:30pm. His house keeper and masseur, of which he had an appointment with, discovered him unresponsive upon which they immediately called 911. So far the news is sleeping pills. This is kinda sad for me. I really loved many of Heath Ledger's films and always thought him to be a great, if not interesting, actor. I was also really looking forward to 'The Dark Knight' where he plays the Joker. I'm still looking forward to it but it will be sad to see him play a stellar performance for Joker and know that it was his last. I guess if you gotta go out, go out with style.

List of Heath Ledger films I really loved him in:
A Knight's Tale
The Order
Ned Kelly
Casanova

I know he was in more but I either didn't like them or didn't see them.

Peanut Butter Update Time, Peanut Butter Update Time

Immediately after my dog died, I went to a friends house to hang out. A little smoke, combined with the cold air (he opened a window to let the smoke out), in addition to us cracking up at youtube stuff til 3am; well, my throat was not happy with me. Friday evening, I hung out with another friend (smoker but not so much around me) who just finished being sick with sinus and respiratory infections with a cold and whatever else was going around. My throat was still kinda sore from a few nights ago but Saturday morning...my body was telling me I had had it. So horribly sick Saturday and Sunday. I have like half a day's worth of sick time left, I work half the day on Monday, take all of Tuesday off (forced to take 'leave without pay'), go to the doctor for the first time on my own, I get me some antibiotics and I happen to mention that I have been feeling a little down lately with everything that has been happening so, he gives me some samples of 'happy' pills. I say no to the prescription, I'd like to see what they do before I pay 200 bucks or something like that. In short, my throat still hurts but extremely less than it did a week ago, I wake up constantly through the night because of some wicked bad sinus drainage (its drying out my throat to the point where it feels like my flesh is cracking). So, I drink like a gallon of water to dampen my throat only to wake up 30 mins later because I gotta pee and need to drink some more because I can feel my throat getting dry again. As for the 'happy' pills, I don't notice any change in mood (believe me, I observe closely what these things could be doing to me). I do notice 2 things though; 1 it also acts as an antihistamine, 2 I seem to be more decisive, like less lazy. Not like energetic, just...like this needs gettin' done and this and this, so I do it. I still get my TV watching in, and games, but it seems I do more. That could be because I'm getting better, though. Anyway, holiday party this weekend for the company. Don't know how much I'll enjoy that.

Through Thick and Thin

This going to be a long post because I have a lot I want/need to say. So prepare yourself.

First, I want to start out that it has been a difficult winter for me, emotional wise. A lot of the past has been brought back.

A few years ago I had to do, what seemed at the time, the hardest thing I have ever done. I had to make the decision to put down my pet rat Karma. Oddly enough, the decision wasn't the hard part. She had a benign tumor that was getting bigger everyday, side effect of about 90% of lab rats. It got to the point where she couldn't climb anymore and she would just rest next to her food and water so she wouldn't expend the energy moving around. So I took her in, everything was fine until her heart stop beating...it hit me, she was dead...because of me. She didn't deserve to die, she was a smart and nice rat. She graduated top in her class (my Rat Lab class). But, she wasn't living a life she was enjoying. I was so sad that I was escorted out the back of the Vet's office so that I wouldn't face all those people in the waiting room. After a few hours, I was okay. I even got her ashes.

Shortly after that, my favorite (and yours) barista quit the coffee kiosk at my college. To be replaced with a new one. Kristina, she had 2 rats. We bonded well, she is an actress and I had a lot of emotions, that I disguised as acting, to unleash. We got a little net of new friends to meet around the coffee kiosk. Here is where I met a new love interest. Jessica, aka Kitten. Apparently, Kristina and I had such a dynamic that people perceived us to be married, and Jessica, having just a fun time playing along, became our daughter. If she would see me, Jessica that is, on campus, she would run up to me a cry 'Daddy!' and leap into my arms. I would always respond with 'Hi, kitten.' We would talk a little and be on our merry way. After a month or so, we started to spend more time hanging out at the coffee kiosk than Kristina and I did. Pretty soon we are skipping class to watch Ranma 1/2 on her laptop together. Btw, just so you get a better picture of her; she is 5'4", b-cup, and cute as a button...okay, okay....deep raven black, healthy hair that went down to the small of her back, slim and fit, a dressed in all black...sort of a goth skater with a dash of 'hood' gently sprinkled around the edges. Soft, milky white skin...excuse me a minute...afk... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...and were back. And the best of all, she was into me.

Second semester came around and our class schedule changed, we were on the brink of starting a relationship but then a huge argument between Kristina and Jessica ensued. And she stop coming around the coffee kiosk. I happened to get different hours a work as well and so I didn't have time to hang out anymore. I would hang out at places that I figured she'd be at (art major, so I tried the art building). And nothing, I lost her...I haven't seen her since, neither had Kristina, or anyone for that matter. In this phase of my life I was still shy and kinda quite unless a fun time was being had, but I never got enough courage to ask her phone number or email or anything. How could I, what would I say, I noticed that she was a woman who liked a strong, confident man. And I wasn't confident then. So, I lost her...then again, as far as I know, she never tried to find me. I feel blame for this, though, since I never asked for her number, never made a more prominent move, why would she willing find me if she didn't know how interested I was. In truth, she had a lot of mannerisms as Stephcha, but looked for different things out of life. So, I was always on the fence because I didn't want a repeat of the previous 4 years. So, I lost in love, again. But I moved on, I haven't thought about that time for a long while.

Anyway, I got side tracked, a difficult winter. I mentioned that my dad was in the hospital and how he was re-introduced into my life in a previous post. Not easy for me, and it didn't go over well. As far as I know, he is at a home trying to clean up and rehabilitate himself. His brothers and sister are looking out for him and his well being... ... ...but it doesn't look good... he may extend his life but he may never get better than what he is now. But he entered and left my life much in the same way he always had. Then, my uncle got slapped with 50 years for a false child molestation charge. I have always been angered by this biased fucking society. Where if a man even thinks about children he is slapped as a pedophile. My uncle was accused by his niece (who was one of my favorite cousins when I was growing up) for molesting her children after she was thrown out of his house and accused of beating her kids, by my uncle. To hide the fact that she is a terrible mother to her kids and beats them, she countered with false claims that it wasn't her beating those kids, it was him molesting them. She beat her kids, and the fear of getting them taken away, and I assume the fear of losing welfare income, she countered with false charges that no one in this 'great fucking state' of ours can win against. Fuck this, man, if one, just one person accuses any man of child molestation his record is scarred for life, regardless of who wins the case. 50 fucking years.

Then the 'lovely' holidays, of which New Years Eve was the better. Then my cousin was admitted to the hospital for a severe heart attack, which isn't much of a surprise. He freaks out at the littlest thing and has constant panic attacks. He was getting so worked up that he almost had himself another heart attack in the hospital worrying why know one would come see him,...he burn a lot bridges with his constant freaking out and blaming everyone for random things and crap. I didn't care much about that since I have;t seen him in years. And I'm talking years.

Then the mother of all things. On January 8th, at roughly 7:45pm, the oldest friend I had, died. My withered old sheltie made it through the holidays and got to play in the snow one last time before my mother and I had to put him down. For 17 years and 2 months, Kain was my greatest friend. He outdated every single sad event in my life save one, my dad's stroke. Shortly after, my mom wanted to finally get the dog she always wanted. Low and behold, we got a two-fer. We couldn't take Kain without taking his guardian older sister Di. So we did. This was my childhood dog. This animal I loved more than I have loved anybody or thing. He encompasses all of my happy times through all the bad events of my life. So here is to my oldest friend... ... ... ... ... ... ... after all that I'm not much for words atm. It was beyond his time and we said our good-byes. I was there from the first to last moments of our lives together... ... ... ...I'm glad he isn't in anymore pain. Good luck buddy... ... ... ... ... ...

Quite Contemplation

First, a small update.

God of War 2 was awesome. I read that the end of the series will tell the untold (and uncreated 'til now) story of the death of the Ancient religion of Rome and Greece; in other words, the death of all the gods, demi-gods, and titans, and I welcome such a story. I always felt that the introduction of Catholicism, which is what truly destroyed it, was lack-lustered for such grand Mythos.

Wild Arms 4 - I love this series. Basically, a fantasy filled wild west. ATM, I am unimpressed. This one seems like they just cranked it out as fast as they could. In 30 mins of game play, I already have all the main characters (I play RPG's real slow when I first start). I am willing to give it an additional shot since it has good prequels.

The last of the Kekko Kamen series was actually pretty good; Kekko Kamen New!. The others are repeats of Quest for Egg Salad, i.e. repetitive broken discs.

Ghost Rider - I wanted to see it again to find out if I really wanted it...I can live without it.

Bridge to Terabithia - I cried...again (teared up is more like it...I knew what was coming). It is a good story and Anna Sophia Robb is such a talented actress. I kinda want to add this to my collection but I think maybe the book would be a better buy. Choices, choices.

Okay, to the knit and grit. The impromptu New Year's Eve party was a hit, even if only 9 people showed. I had a great time but I noticed one thing. I felt a hint of embarrassment in the back of my mind. I probably wouldn't have noticed it if it wasn't for one of our guests lack of concern about there own idiosyncrasies. I have gotten much better in loving my differences, but there is still the feeling that false or negative judgement is placed upon me for them and I feel somewhat guilty that I embrace them at all. I guess it is that small part of me that wants to be normal. I have fought hard against that urge and have won many a battle, more than I have lost. I feel tired of small victories though. It is time for a big W. I have three major confrontations to ... ... ... confront. Credit Debt, Weight, Generalized Laziness. If I break one, than all shall fall. Generalized Laziness is one that I score many defeats on but it continues to come back for more due to the strength of the others. I must fight on 2 fronts while I hold the 3rd at bay, but the opposition is strong. It will take strategy and cunning as well as quick thinking. I must also be prepared for future obstacles. Bare in mind these are not New Year's resolutions for these will all take longer than a year to conquer. It will take a life time.

In addition to that, I am a pervert. I always have been and I have recently (last few years) been proud to be one. I do not flaunt it, though. As a matter of fact, I don't consider myself a pervert at all, I consider it cultured and mature. An open mind of acceptance in differences. I do my best to not pass judgement; and if I do, it is never one thing but an abundance of options from simple observations. Let's take an extreme for an example: Bestiality. Now I have seen bestiality, so the questions are 'why would I watch it' and 'do I enjoy it'. Let's tackle the ladder; I have never conducted bestiality so I have never had the opportunity to decide if I enjoy it or not (see, open minded answer. I don't mention whether I condone it or not; I gave a true and neutral answer with no judgement passed on the topic). As for the former part of the questions; I have watched it because there are people (not freaks or monsters) who do enjoy it and I wish to observe why. Now, for my abundance of judgements. Why do they do it: drugs, money, loneliness, an acceptable (in their minds) alternative to release a pent-up urge to have sex that isn't masturbation, forced/co-hearsed (some people really do mean 'yes' when they say 'no'), a true love for the animal (extreme furries, possibly), perversion, and many more. It could be one to all reasons why someone would conduct bestiality. 'Would I do it', I can honestly say no; however, were the lives of others (not myself, that answer is still no) in the balance on whether I would have sex with an animal, and I mean 100% proof that people (I care for) will die if I don't have sex with an animal, well,... that would require more quite contemplation... ... ...good thing its quite nil that it would happen, ... ... ...but you have to keep the possibility open...you never know...