Through Thick and Thin

This going to be a long post because I have a lot I want/need to say. So prepare yourself.

First, I want to start out that it has been a difficult winter for me, emotional wise. A lot of the past has been brought back.

A few years ago I had to do, what seemed at the time, the hardest thing I have ever done. I had to make the decision to put down my pet rat Karma. Oddly enough, the decision wasn't the hard part. She had a benign tumor that was getting bigger everyday, side effect of about 90% of lab rats. It got to the point where she couldn't climb anymore and she would just rest next to her food and water so she wouldn't expend the energy moving around. So I took her in, everything was fine until her heart stop beating...it hit me, she was dead...because of me. She didn't deserve to die, she was a smart and nice rat. She graduated top in her class (my Rat Lab class). But, she wasn't living a life she was enjoying. I was so sad that I was escorted out the back of the Vet's office so that I wouldn't face all those people in the waiting room. After a few hours, I was okay. I even got her ashes.

Shortly after that, my favorite (and yours) barista quit the coffee kiosk at my college. To be replaced with a new one. Kristina, she had 2 rats. We bonded well, she is an actress and I had a lot of emotions, that I disguised as acting, to unleash. We got a little net of new friends to meet around the coffee kiosk. Here is where I met a new love interest. Jessica, aka Kitten. Apparently, Kristina and I had such a dynamic that people perceived us to be married, and Jessica, having just a fun time playing along, became our daughter. If she would see me, Jessica that is, on campus, she would run up to me a cry 'Daddy!' and leap into my arms. I would always respond with 'Hi, kitten.' We would talk a little and be on our merry way. After a month or so, we started to spend more time hanging out at the coffee kiosk than Kristina and I did. Pretty soon we are skipping class to watch Ranma 1/2 on her laptop together. Btw, just so you get a better picture of her; she is 5'4", b-cup, and cute as a button...okay, okay....deep raven black, healthy hair that went down to the small of her back, slim and fit, a dressed in all black...sort of a goth skater with a dash of 'hood' gently sprinkled around the edges. Soft, milky white skin...excuse me a minute...afk... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...and were back. And the best of all, she was into me.

Second semester came around and our class schedule changed, we were on the brink of starting a relationship but then a huge argument between Kristina and Jessica ensued. And she stop coming around the coffee kiosk. I happened to get different hours a work as well and so I didn't have time to hang out anymore. I would hang out at places that I figured she'd be at (art major, so I tried the art building). And nothing, I lost her...I haven't seen her since, neither had Kristina, or anyone for that matter. In this phase of my life I was still shy and kinda quite unless a fun time was being had, but I never got enough courage to ask her phone number or email or anything. How could I, what would I say, I noticed that she was a woman who liked a strong, confident man. And I wasn't confident then. So, I lost her...then again, as far as I know, she never tried to find me. I feel blame for this, though, since I never asked for her number, never made a more prominent move, why would she willing find me if she didn't know how interested I was. In truth, she had a lot of mannerisms as Stephcha, but looked for different things out of life. So, I was always on the fence because I didn't want a repeat of the previous 4 years. So, I lost in love, again. But I moved on, I haven't thought about that time for a long while.

Anyway, I got side tracked, a difficult winter. I mentioned that my dad was in the hospital and how he was re-introduced into my life in a previous post. Not easy for me, and it didn't go over well. As far as I know, he is at a home trying to clean up and rehabilitate himself. His brothers and sister are looking out for him and his well being... ... ...but it doesn't look good... he may extend his life but he may never get better than what he is now. But he entered and left my life much in the same way he always had. Then, my uncle got slapped with 50 years for a false child molestation charge. I have always been angered by this biased fucking society. Where if a man even thinks about children he is slapped as a pedophile. My uncle was accused by his niece (who was one of my favorite cousins when I was growing up) for molesting her children after she was thrown out of his house and accused of beating her kids, by my uncle. To hide the fact that she is a terrible mother to her kids and beats them, she countered with false claims that it wasn't her beating those kids, it was him molesting them. She beat her kids, and the fear of getting them taken away, and I assume the fear of losing welfare income, she countered with false charges that no one in this 'great fucking state' of ours can win against. Fuck this, man, if one, just one person accuses any man of child molestation his record is scarred for life, regardless of who wins the case. 50 fucking years.

Then the 'lovely' holidays, of which New Years Eve was the better. Then my cousin was admitted to the hospital for a severe heart attack, which isn't much of a surprise. He freaks out at the littlest thing and has constant panic attacks. He was getting so worked up that he almost had himself another heart attack in the hospital worrying why know one would come see him,...he burn a lot bridges with his constant freaking out and blaming everyone for random things and crap. I didn't care much about that since I have;t seen him in years. And I'm talking years.

Then the mother of all things. On January 8th, at roughly 7:45pm, the oldest friend I had, died. My withered old sheltie made it through the holidays and got to play in the snow one last time before my mother and I had to put him down. For 17 years and 2 months, Kain was my greatest friend. He outdated every single sad event in my life save one, my dad's stroke. Shortly after, my mom wanted to finally get the dog she always wanted. Low and behold, we got a two-fer. We couldn't take Kain without taking his guardian older sister Di. So we did. This was my childhood dog. This animal I loved more than I have loved anybody or thing. He encompasses all of my happy times through all the bad events of my life. So here is to my oldest friend... ... ... ... ... ... ... after all that I'm not much for words atm. It was beyond his time and we said our good-byes. I was there from the first to last moments of our lives together... ... ... ...I'm glad he isn't in anymore pain. Good luck buddy... ... ... ... ... ...