Guild Bashing

I just read this article in "Games for Windows: The Official Magazine" actually had me laughing at my desk after which I had to explain to my co-workers why it was all about.

CRISIS ON INFINITE SERVERS
by Cindy Vane (Cindy is probably, at this very moment, fleeing from psychotic, raid-organizing, meeting-tainted guild recruiters.)

So, I'm minding my own business, farming rat whiskers, and some fellow who calls himself "KnifeMe" hits me with an unsolicited whisper:
"U wan join up w/ a kickass PVP guild? We recruting heavy time specially 4 healerz."
"Um, no thank you."
"y r u not guilded?"
"I'm a bit 'guild shy' at the moment."
"Oh y is that?"
"It's a long story, but anyway...Ok, do you have a website I can visit that explains your guild's philosophy?"
"no i just started it me n my brother."
Sigh, "Um, no, really, I'm not interested."
"u gotta hava guild n this one is gonna be UBER lol. We calling it Oafkin Croop's Dueling Cocks."
I nearly faint when he spells "dueling" correctly. "/ignore KnifeMe."

INVITATIONS, NINJA STYLE
Ninja guild invites bug the crap out of me. Ninja group invites do, as well. In fact, any private message from someone who doesn't know me is immediately suspect (especially if it includes the phrase "$$ cheap gold $$"). As a maxed-out healer on several MMO fronts, I get a lot of that sort of thing. I reply to the group invites using an invariably polite macro that says something like "I'm sorry. I'm with a party that I cannot leave at the moment, but thank you for thinking of me, and good luck!" Gag. But it works...and sometimes they even reply with something brilliantly clever, like "You too. Take care!"
But with guild invites, I feel strangled by a cravat of turmoil, brought on by uncomfortable memories of guilds I have known. I ask myself, "Do all guilds consist primarily of a bunch of psychotic weenies with emotional issues? Or have I just been really good at joining the ones that are?" I've gotten reprimanded for not saying "Hi!!! :)" immediately upon entering guild chat; for talking too little; for talking too much; for not dropping everything I'm doing to run to the other end of the universe to assist a bunch of people I'd never ever associate with in real life; for not participating in the "Ding! Gratz!" paradigm...and I've been accused of any number of other atrocities.

WHERE DO THEY FIND THESE PEOPLE?
The last guild to kick me out was run by a female Dwarf with perpetual PMS who was looking for affirmation from other carebear boys and girls so that they may sing "Kumbaya," have scavenger hunts, and share their MySpace accounts. When a difference of opinion led to my unceremonious booting, she told my former guildmates--and anyone else who would listen--that I was kicked out for trying to have sex with her over TeamSpeak. Seriously.
In another guild, I made the mistake of being empathic with a guy who possessed all the typical traits of a wrist cutter. He was a tank--a terrible tank--and no one wanted to group with him. I'm no longer guilded there, but this guy still jumps on me the second I log in, shouts "MEOW,"tells me how miserable he is, and then invites me to group with him. I'm running out of excuses.
And let's not forget the l33t powergamers whose main focus is to flex their e-peens in public forums. Listening to them converse is more painful than reading Ann Coulter while deeply inhaling fumes from a burning plastics factory.
Can we all agree that the trouble with MMOs is that other people suck? You never suck. It's all of them that suck. Just remember that, and you'll be a lot lonelier...er, happier. Play solo. Construct a few refusal marcos. Attend a kiting seminar. Just say no to guilds! :end:

This is a awesome article. This is all my grievances with MMOs. I hate mass people anyway and this is just every feeling of hate balled into a brilliant article. I have often wanted to play WoW again, but this is why I don't. I loved playing the game, lots of cool quests, excellent story for some, and some of the quest chains were very long and quite fun (especially solo, solo taught me strategy); unfortunately, people occupy this game. I started on a PvP server just because my friends were on it. I should have jumped ship and got on to a different server, but I still didn't know the game so I had to constantly ask them questions and for help. Granted, I spent a great deal of time getting as far as I did but I start games over all the time.

I joined Gamefly, btw. I'm not sure if I'll stay still (3 more days of free trial run). I really want to focus on beating the Xenosaga series. Then I'll move to .hack// series again. Not the best graphics but its really cool. Xenosaga series is the prequel to the greatest RPG of all time, which is Xenogears. They had to change the name for copyright laws since it was under another company.

.hack// (pronounced Dot Hack) series is a RPG (try to follow me here) of a fake MMORPG, based in Japan, that has a growing virus (actually the game is becoming sentient) that causes players, who encounter the virus, to slip into a real coma. The game has chosen you to stop the virus. Did you follow? Okay, a little more detail. The Epitaph of Twilight (a real 'in game' poem written centuries ago in Japan) has been programmed into the game for a story line. In the poem is a little girl who tried to help the human race against the power of the gods. When the other gods, that were helping the human race, saw how cruel the humans really were they began to leave. The humans fear they would lose the war if they didn't have the power the gods to back them so they trapped the last god, the little girl, with 12 curses so that she could not leave. The humans eventually won by basically summing all the power the little girl had and using it in one final blast, killing the girl and the gods. Well, the MMORPG, in the game, has become aware, due to Japanese engineering, through advance AI programming. So the little girl gives you power to stop the game's growing viruses, which are the 12 curses binding her. Well, after the first 4 games (all one story), the company building, housing the servers, burnt down and the company eventually disappeared. Well, two years later they reconstructed the company and the MMORPG, known as 'The World' version 2, but with no Epitaph of Twilight. The second series of .hack// has to deal with PKs (player killers), people so bored they start killing other players just for fun...in the game, that is. Well, there is a PK in the game that is said to kill your character for good and put the real player into a coma, and he just happens to look like your character from the first series, wink, wink. I can't wait to play this series, but I can't play it now. I have to play the previous 4 again because, like all series games, the data you saved from the previous can be transferred to the next. So you see how I have a lot of gaming to do.