Okay, so I finally started moving in. Already a few snags. Still no door/wall for my room, there is still stuff being stored in my new room, and it is taking a really long time to move my stuff.
The latter is really my fault. I am noticing how unbelievably difficult it is to leave. I guess it is because I have rarely ever left anybody in my life....people have always left me behind, whether physically or emotionally. This time I am leaving....for no good reason other than it is the logical choice for me and her. I don't want to leave this place....to leave her behind....but she is the only thing holding me here. If I would stay, it would be so that I could be near her, which is why I know I should leave. We are not a couple, and rarely ever did I ever want that from her (earlier years). I'm really leaving my comfort zone.
Sure I left when I was going to Korea, but I was coming back (sooner than I thought, but still coming back). Now this is for good; who knows how long she will remain here. She always talks about going to SF, Cali.
At least I'm doing it, it unhealthy to linger, I need this move as much as they do.
But, since it is taking a long time, it will be a while before I am fully moved. I have a lot of excuses, I work all night and stay up til 4-5am. I can't pack during that time cause he is sleeping, I wake up maybe 2 hours before work and then do the whole thing over again. Or, I'm doing this all alone. No one is helping me pack, no one is helping me move. She wanted to shampoo my couch before I take it, and since it has to be the first piece of furniture to move I can't move the furniture.
And lastly, no one has giving me any encouragement or hindered me in anyway. No one has told me how good or bad of thing this is, if I'm making a huge mistake or the smartest choice the world has ever seen.
Frankly, these are my own internal demons. I have to do this this way. I don't want help, I don't want to here what kind of a decision I am making. I don't want any arguing or encouragement. Because, I have made decision. This is really frelling hard for me to do...., which tells me that this is the right thing to do. The wrong choice for me is usually the easiest choice, which in this case is stay. But every night I don't want to move, I mull it over in my head, "this wrong, why are you doing this if you don't want to?" And every morning I wake up I think, "I really start packing and this move started or I am never gonna a leave....and that is a bad thing." Anyway, I'm gonna try to do one more drop off today, and then get to bed early.
MY FAVORITE DAY OF THE YEAR IS TOMORROW!!!!!!!!:):):):):):)
HAPPY ST. PATS.....DRINK UP ME HEARTIES!!!!!!!
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3 comments:
Well, I'm gonna point out the obvious. Updating the blog in the middle of a move tends to slow things down a bit. =)
-Ben
Moving all your shit just sucks and takes a long time no matter what and I hate it. Not to take away any from what you are going through, but since you don't want opinion and as someone who has moved quite a bit just thought I would say it sucks without any extra emotional baggage. I still have boxes at my mom's house. I do have Tuesday and Wednesday off this week so if you need some help moving some stuff I could probably give you a hand.
Speaking from a tourist of your new home, I think you'll be comfortable there. The wall/door/crap thing is an issue, but I know a certain nerd who lives upstairs who's happy to have you onboard. :) Good luck, honey!
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