Doom and Gloom and the events that proceed.

Okay, so due to Red Cross calling a snow day, a few things happen. One, we only got 16 units of blood in...total. Two, Everyone who came to work got free pizza lunch and a extra Vacation day. Everyone else did not get a demerit for not showing up.

So yes, I have pizza again for dinner....cool. Still doesn't change the fact of me being angry at them. My anger has lessen to a grudge though. More or less I'm not angry anymore. I'm....hurt. And in a non-forgiving mood. Truthfully, I'm actually not much of a forgiving person. I more or less just move on. Friends stay friends, they hurt me again and again and I don't forgive them of this but I just accept that people will always do what people have always done...., which is be people. Human beings hurt one another, through complete fault of their own. But the universe doesn't care, life doesn't care. It keeps going, with or without you, it doesn't care. All you got to do is accept it and move on. I haven't forgiven a lot in my life. Mainly because this pain and sorrow in my life has combined with everything else I have experienced to make me, me. Why should I forgive? I'm happy with myself and who I have become.

Forgiveness is to say that I no longer hurt for what you have done to me. Sure, forgiveness is a grand thing to receive but does that help? Well, it helps you feel better about yourself, but did you learn from it....that is too undetermined. They may have learned from it for that moment, but in my experience, people forget a shit ton. If you forgive them (especially right away), they say thanks and skip away. But next year will they remember that they hurt you, will they remember not to do it again?

Part of me says yes but no. The realistic optimist. I understand that if they took that forgiveness to heart, their subconscious will remind them in subtle ways to never do such again. And there in lies why I don't forgive. What if they didn't take it to heart? What if your pain doesn't mean to much to them because they can't know what it is truly like? It is an unnecessary reinforcement for bad behavior. Now, I can't stop someone from finding reinforcement from somewhere else. Ya know, like they did something wrong, they know they did something wrong and they can't get forgiveness from the wronged party; so they run to the nearest loved one or clergyman for forgiveness. Basically it is like finding a new dealer when your old one jacked up the price cause he has to make bills this month. A quick fix.

You could call what I do "tough love," but I wouldn't. That phrase makes it sound that I do it for the benefit of the other. I don't. I do it for me. You want forgiveness, you earn it. I have to want to give it to you. I have to want to release this pain. But then again you may wonder why I don't want to get rid of the pain. Well, like I said before; all my experiences are what make me, me. I have a lot of pain in my life, pain is part of my life. If pain is too ugly of a word for you, use struggle. Its pain to me though. My life energy feeds on pain, just like it feeds on joy. I take negative energy (negative in the way of "dark", not polar negative) and use it for fuel, just like anything else. And how I can use it without wincing....well, there was a lot of pain for a good while. I couldn't get rid of it. So I learned to use. Just like any living thing....I adapt.

Whoo, this got really deep (that's what she said). Okay, now that you have read a "little" into my soul. What now.....?

Oooo, I know. Upcoming monthly fun.

Since I work everyday (for now). My weekends are my only enjoyment.

March 3rd: Sure, movie night is going on, I would love to go, but I'm going to My Chemical Romance concert.

March 9th: I get paid AND...... ...... ..... ..... 300 comes out. I will definitely go, probably multiple times.

March 17th: DUH, okay for St. Pat's there are 2 places I like to go. Brazen Head for the food (Reuben with no kraut and Baked French Onion Soup); and Dubliner for drinkin' and music. I love shouting Irish songs while shnockered.

March 22nd: took the day off for Evanescence

as for the final week in March....I got nutin'