HAHAHAHA

I come into work today and first thing I hear is "You're Trainer has been fired!"

She was the only trainer on staff....HAHAHAHAHAHAHA....I'm so screwed here....at least they still pay me :P

Sick

I'm sick, sick as a dog and I'm still at work. I must really like it here since I plan to work my hours tonight. I've been to work since Saturday...and I still have 2 more days to go; plus, I agreed to take Becky and Jason to the airport at 5am. What is wrong with me?

Axis of Evil

So a few things.

I just bought 3 of the 8 films to die for that just came out on DVD today; Unrest, Gravedancers, and Penny Dreadful. In my opinion these are the best of the bunch. All well done (for what they are) and decent areas of film critiquing. Unrest - uses real dead people, that added effect makes it even twice as creepy. Penny Dreadful - to be honest this film was my favorite, great acting by our lead, good story, good scare factor; but as i said before, the villain (when you actually see and hear him) is very disappointing. And Gravedancers - okay, not the best I've ever seen. Sort feels like it belongs on a channel that is a cross of the WE network and Bravo. But, entertaining. What it lacks in style and grace it makes up for in...okay, maybe it doesn't do that either. But it is entertaining, sort of reminiscent of the old scary films.

And....(drum roll please)
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I am trained...on a few things :/
Actually I've been trained for like a week and a half; but since I can no longer be pulled from training, something else had to go wrong. Over the past week: both of our blast freezers went down, one centrifuge went down, and our freezer and our fridge are both in alarm (meaning we can't go in them). We can barely triage, and spin blood, but since our fridge is in alarm (in only one corner) we had to move everything to the other side of the fridge which in turn leaves no room to put anything that comes into our building. So we have product building up in our coolers, product we can't filter cause there is no room to place anything, product we have to continue to process so we use dry ice, and product that is already a day old and can't be spun cause where are we gonna put it. So I can now do all these things but can't cause we don't know what else we can do with our limited abilities.

But I did get my hair cut. I feel good about that.

Idiot Box

I have finally watched all (or nearly all) of every previous season of Stargate SG1. So, I can stop recording the episodes....when I changed the program to just new episodes (which start again in April) you should have seen how much the DVR sighed.

Anyway, TV programing is disappearing for me...

Rome - Series Finale last night...ok, they summed up everything...a bit corny
Battlestar Galactica - Season Finale last night...BEST EPISODE EVER...won't start again til 2008 :(
Lost - still going strong...probably 8 episodes left til season ends
Grey's Anatomy - I really am not liking this show anymore...once season ends, I think I'm done
Heroes - won't start again til late April
Stargate SG1 - last 10 episodes ever starting this April
Stargate Atlantis - starts again when SG1 starts
Enterprise - actually pretty good, SCI FI is showing 4 episodes every Monday...hopefully it is almost finished...getting tired of staying up late on Monday night to get them all in
Family Guy - last night was really weak
Naruto - I got drawn in who knows how long it will go
My name is Earl - don't know what happen to it or when new shows will occur
The Office - same as Earl
Deadwood - have no idea when this is coming back
Daily Show - four fun filled night every week
Colbert Report - starting to get a little old but same as Daily Show

These are our recordings and pretty soon many will disappear. Guess I'll be able to read again :)

Luck of the Irish

So St. Pat's was pretty good. We started at Brazen Head for a breakfast (missed it, got lunch instead). Ran into Becky's supervisor there; chatted him up for a bit. Then off to Barleycorn. Good music, decent sandwiches, met up with a few people. Had a very long talk with Miss Ann, of all people, about my moving and my anxiety about it. Then off to Applebee's for a real lunch, the house for a sec to drop off the urine, then Dubliner. Stayed there for a while, met up with Aussie, good music. Then we went to Zio's and O'Conner's was our last stop....that place sucked. I admit, I was one of those who encouraged the no smoking ban, well, O'Conner's was one of those places that fell through the loop hole about that. Smoke everywhere, and God forbid we leave before our beers were done....anyway, all in all a good day and I made it the whole way without a hangover the next day....cool, cool.
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Oh,...
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and...
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I'm not moving...
Bye :)

Moving Day

Okay, so I finally started moving in. Already a few snags. Still no door/wall for my room, there is still stuff being stored in my new room, and it is taking a really long time to move my stuff.

The latter is really my fault. I am noticing how unbelievably difficult it is to leave. I guess it is because I have rarely ever left anybody in my life....people have always left me behind, whether physically or emotionally. This time I am leaving....for no good reason other than it is the logical choice for me and her. I don't want to leave this place....to leave her behind....but she is the only thing holding me here. If I would stay, it would be so that I could be near her, which is why I know I should leave. We are not a couple, and rarely ever did I ever want that from her (earlier years). I'm really leaving my comfort zone.

Sure I left when I was going to Korea, but I was coming back (sooner than I thought, but still coming back). Now this is for good; who knows how long she will remain here. She always talks about going to SF, Cali.

At least I'm doing it, it unhealthy to linger, I need this move as much as they do.

But, since it is taking a long time, it will be a while before I am fully moved. I have a lot of excuses, I work all night and stay up til 4-5am. I can't pack during that time cause he is sleeping, I wake up maybe 2 hours before work and then do the whole thing over again. Or, I'm doing this all alone. No one is helping me pack, no one is helping me move. She wanted to shampoo my couch before I take it, and since it has to be the first piece of furniture to move I can't move the furniture.

And lastly, no one has giving me any encouragement or hindered me in anyway. No one has told me how good or bad of thing this is, if I'm making a huge mistake or the smartest choice the world has ever seen.

Frankly, these are my own internal demons. I have to do this this way. I don't want help, I don't want to here what kind of a decision I am making. I don't want any arguing or encouragement. Because, I have made decision. This is really frelling hard for me to do...., which tells me that this is the right thing to do. The wrong choice for me is usually the easiest choice, which in this case is stay. But every night I don't want to move, I mull it over in my head, "this wrong, why are you doing this if you don't want to?" And every morning I wake up I think, "I really start packing and this move started or I am never gonna a leave....and that is a bad thing." Anyway, I'm gonna try to do one more drop off today, and then get to bed early.

MY FAVORITE DAY OF THE YEAR IS TOMORROW!!!!!!!!:):):):):):)

HAPPY ST. PATS.....DRINK UP ME HEARTIES!!!!!!!

Free at last....

Ladies and Gentlemen, boys and girls; this last Friday, I came to a realization....I have been WoW free for a year. Yes, that's true. I have not played World of Warcraft (or Warcrack) in over a year. I deserve a token or something...like AA members get. Although it wasn't a huge deal to quit, I truly hated the game...well, the drama it brought with it anyways. I didn't miss that crap for a second....;however, I miss the game. I was a great game....if they ever make some sort of single player version of it, or make like a small team play where you have your own personal server sort of thing....I might go back. But, unfortunately my character is so high in level that I need to party to get anywhere I haven't been yet....oh well. Anyway, I guess I traded Warcrack for another game. This Rappelz Epic III. Only I can solo this, and no ganking, no drama (at least none that I have to deal with). It's a simple game that I play a little on the weekends while the rest of the week I stay logged on to get stamina. I sounds a little confusing and don't worry. I realize you don't care anyway. But it like a healthy return to MMORPG's. I play for a few hours, and don't bother with it for like a week.

I am moving. I finally was able to take a few days off of work this week to actually move all the stuff I boxed up. St. Pats will be a nice break from moving. In case anybody is wondering, I will be at the Brazen Head around 9am for breakfast, Barleycorn around 11:30am and I will end up at the Dubliner for music and drinking.

300

This... was frelling awesome.

I was so jazzed about this movie and it exceeded my expectations. I am in such a happy place right now. Very few times does a film scream at me to see it, and even less out those times does the film make me feel better than the anticpation of seeing it.

Also, it has been barbarians week all this week on the history channel. And I have been diggin' that as well. Really helped spice up the mood.

I ain't gonna spoil any of it but I will tell you that David Wenham (the man who played Faramir in Lord of the Rings) was fanfrellingtastic as the story teller. Of course, the words came from Frank Miller (who is quickly become my favorite writer) but I don't think anybody else could have said them better.

My Chemical Emo

The concert was cool....for what is was. A band that finally got to be the headliner of a show, not a huge budget.....oooo look, pyrotechnics. Music was good for the most part. Helena was a little ruin for me. I like always like the CD better than the live shows, but I don't regret this one. The crowd was jazzed the band rocked out. All and all it was good (I've seen better though). LOTS of emo/death kids. No surprise. What sucked was the end, and it wasn't the band. The band finished with Helena, than said their thank yous and goodbyes. The house lights went up and, as Chuckles put it, the crowd scattered like roaches....no one but myself and Nater cheered for and encore....lame crowd. Anyway, a good time was had by all.

Though I noticed a weird feeling yesterday....I've been at work a lot the past week. Took Monday off cause I was sick; was going to call in for Tuesday also but Becky told the lab was 5 days behind, so I went in for 12 and half hours. Wednesday I stayed for 12 and half hours. I braved Thursday's blizzard and was at work for 15 hours. Then Friday was all overtime. Yesterday, I got a weird feeling that I should be at work....like I feel bad for not going in on my day off.

Well, the feeling has past now.

Doom and Gloom and the events that proceed.

Okay, so due to Red Cross calling a snow day, a few things happen. One, we only got 16 units of blood in...total. Two, Everyone who came to work got free pizza lunch and a extra Vacation day. Everyone else did not get a demerit for not showing up.

So yes, I have pizza again for dinner....cool. Still doesn't change the fact of me being angry at them. My anger has lessen to a grudge though. More or less I'm not angry anymore. I'm....hurt. And in a non-forgiving mood. Truthfully, I'm actually not much of a forgiving person. I more or less just move on. Friends stay friends, they hurt me again and again and I don't forgive them of this but I just accept that people will always do what people have always done...., which is be people. Human beings hurt one another, through complete fault of their own. But the universe doesn't care, life doesn't care. It keeps going, with or without you, it doesn't care. All you got to do is accept it and move on. I haven't forgiven a lot in my life. Mainly because this pain and sorrow in my life has combined with everything else I have experienced to make me, me. Why should I forgive? I'm happy with myself and who I have become.

Forgiveness is to say that I no longer hurt for what you have done to me. Sure, forgiveness is a grand thing to receive but does that help? Well, it helps you feel better about yourself, but did you learn from it....that is too undetermined. They may have learned from it for that moment, but in my experience, people forget a shit ton. If you forgive them (especially right away), they say thanks and skip away. But next year will they remember that they hurt you, will they remember not to do it again?

Part of me says yes but no. The realistic optimist. I understand that if they took that forgiveness to heart, their subconscious will remind them in subtle ways to never do such again. And there in lies why I don't forgive. What if they didn't take it to heart? What if your pain doesn't mean to much to them because they can't know what it is truly like? It is an unnecessary reinforcement for bad behavior. Now, I can't stop someone from finding reinforcement from somewhere else. Ya know, like they did something wrong, they know they did something wrong and they can't get forgiveness from the wronged party; so they run to the nearest loved one or clergyman for forgiveness. Basically it is like finding a new dealer when your old one jacked up the price cause he has to make bills this month. A quick fix.

You could call what I do "tough love," but I wouldn't. That phrase makes it sound that I do it for the benefit of the other. I don't. I do it for me. You want forgiveness, you earn it. I have to want to give it to you. I have to want to release this pain. But then again you may wonder why I don't want to get rid of the pain. Well, like I said before; all my experiences are what make me, me. I have a lot of pain in my life, pain is part of my life. If pain is too ugly of a word for you, use struggle. Its pain to me though. My life energy feeds on pain, just like it feeds on joy. I take negative energy (negative in the way of "dark", not polar negative) and use it for fuel, just like anything else. And how I can use it without wincing....well, there was a lot of pain for a good while. I couldn't get rid of it. So I learned to use. Just like any living thing....I adapt.

Whoo, this got really deep (that's what she said). Okay, now that you have read a "little" into my soul. What now.....?

Oooo, I know. Upcoming monthly fun.

Since I work everyday (for now). My weekends are my only enjoyment.

March 3rd: Sure, movie night is going on, I would love to go, but I'm going to My Chemical Romance concert.

March 9th: I get paid AND...... ...... ..... ..... 300 comes out. I will definitely go, probably multiple times.

March 17th: DUH, okay for St. Pat's there are 2 places I like to go. Brazen Head for the food (Reuben with no kraut and Baked French Onion Soup); and Dubliner for drinkin' and music. I love shouting Irish songs while shnockered.

March 22nd: took the day off for Evanescence

as for the final week in March....I got nutin'

A winter advisory is in effect...

Yeah, it snowing. So fucking what. I still made it to work at 9:30 this morning. Why so early? A few reasons: 1. Mandatory Overtime of 6 hours before Friday at midnight; 2. I really wanted to get out of the fucking house.

In case you haven't noticed, I'm really fucking pissed off.

Work today has been a Godsend. I'm a trainee, and I was the only one to come to work today of those that work in the Componet Lab. They called a dude in on his day off to come in at 6am today. He didn't mind cause he lives 2 blocks away. So it is just me and him. We are 4 days behind now, and we don't give a shit. I can't do anything except help him. And were having a great time.

Nah, what I'm fucking pissed about is Becky. Apparently there was a party at my house last night (of which I was not informed of). Of course she'll say I was, NO, what I was informed of was that Miss Ann would come by with a few friends and hang out BEFORE going out on the town. Becky ask my permission about this and I said fine. I had to work til 12:30am. Apparently they stayed at the house and partyed their. I don't mind that so much, really. What I am pissed about is food. I am on an extremely tight budget right now. Well, I had a series of good luck and scored some free pizza. 3 boxes worth. I had great plans to eat this pizza for dinner for the next 4-5 nights, maybe more. I was so exicted. I went to the store and got a small container of ranch dressing. I was gonna heat up a few slices and pour on the ranch. I get home, there is beer bottles all over the kitchen and bathroom.....and my EMPTY pizza boxes. This was my dinner for the next 5 days. I am now reduced to my original diet of oatmeal, noodles, grits; for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, repectfully. Now this tipped the fucking scale but really, how bad is it if someone eats your food? REALLY FUCKING BAD! Jason tried to make up for it by cooking me his organic pizza (which I like better) but it doesn't change the fact that I am out of a pleasent dinner, that is suppose to lighten my spirits when I come home from a 10 hour shift. What's worse is she probably doesn't even give a shit. Why would she? She doesn't understand what is like to bitch ass poor. She doesn't know what it is like to claw through life without the help of dear old ma and pa. I have been busted my ass ever since I got to Korea. The turmoil of keeping it together through everything has been really fucking hard. Especially ever since I got back. Becky has been cold to me. Well, ....more "whatever". You know, she isn't with me anymore, she isn't on my side about anything. She complains about work, I listen. Usually a witty remake but I listen. I complian about work, she basically has no shoulder to cry on for me. It just like "Welcome to the Red Cross, now cowboy the fuck up."

I mean seriously, how selfish and inconsiderate do you have to be to take a poor man's meal. I never could have thought she would ever do this to me. But then again, why am I surprised? I guess because it has been so long. I mean, I'm down on my hands and knees, picking up loose change, I have swallowed my pride. And I get some relief in a mere meal for a few nights. And she come along, snatchs out of hands, spits on me, then kicks dirt in my face,....then says "Thanks"

I don't think I would even accept an apology from her because she still wouldn't understand how bad she fucked up....